Be warned....this thread is for the married ppl...enter at your own risk

[song cm]

I received this Article....Please read and comment


Did I marry the right person....

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with
your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked
their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a
completely natural and spontaneous experience.

You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in
love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the
imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing
there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But
after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the
natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls
become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when
it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,
drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between
the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry
subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry
the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of
the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with
someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their
spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for
fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is
the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a
friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this
dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not
saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a
few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER
just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of
love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,
it takes WISDOM.
You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your
marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there
are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your
relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and
effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...
you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

[athena]

aik..how come like my CMPC notes only?

[Chris C]

So.....what's the risk???:p

[WitchKing]

Interesting article. So meaning, people who fail in marriage dun actually grasp the BIG PICTURE I guess.....

aik..how come like my CMPC notes only?

IE My kursus kahwin kat MAIWP........

[song cm]

aik..how come like my CMPC notes only?
hmm...how come i din get mine during my counselling session.....:eek:

So.....what's the risk???:p
risk of oredi knowing it?? :laugh:

[WitchKing]

hmm...how come i din get mine during my counselling session.....:eek:

coz bike riders with pillion fetishes get exempted.....

[song cm]

Interesting article. So meaning, people who fail in marriage dun actually grasp the BIG PICTURE I guess.....



IE My kursus kahwin kat MAIWP........

i guess the problem is sometimes the BIG picture is too BIG until u can't see it properly.....

[song cm]

coz bike riders with pillion fetishes get exempted.....

haha...don go down there again.....:laugh:

[alfred98]

Love turn sour!!!:blink:

[song cm]

Love turn sour!!!:blink:

i think it is more of ppl expecting love to last forever....

My next Q....Can LOVE last for eternity? (we are talking abt love for the same person, k....)

[WitchKing]

haha...don go down there again.....:laugh:

Okay, okay. Sorry I wont.....but I do agree with the jizz of the article....I wish my sis-in-law's husband understands its not just about the beauty and thrill all the time, that fades sooner or later, but its the long term issues that needs to be worked at......that marriage survived ten years only.....tabik my parents (and everyone else's) for their 'for better or for worse, in sickness and in health' commitment to one another.....

i guess the problem is sometimes the BIG picture is too BIG until u can't see it properly.....

I DISAGREE...when you plan to settle down, a lot of what'ifs and why'nots should have already played in your mind. Its the least thats expected of you at that stage.

[song cm]

Okay, okay. Sorry I wont.....but I do agree with the jizz of the article....I wish my sis-in-law's husband understands its not just about the beauty and thrill all the time, that fades sooner or later, but its the long term issues that needs to be worked at......that marriage survived ten years only.....tabik my parents (and everyone else's) for their 'for better or for worse, in sickness and in health' commitment to one another.....

hey...forward it to him lorr.....
but I do think he knows...he just don care....:(

[Sarah]

i think it is more of ppl expecting love to last forever....

My next Q....Can LOVE last for eternity? (we are talking abt love for the same person, k....)

For those who expect love to last forever, i think they should question themselves, if they really meant feelings or love (by choice and by act).

Yes... Love can last for eternity... becuz its a choice and not based on feelings.... feelings will change, or deteriorate even... but if you choose to love that person until the end, you will stay with that person and care for that person until the end.

If a partner, based marriage on feelings, then Im pretty sure, no one marriages will ever last. SO really, love can last, if both partners work on the relationship together... and not expect the first-love feelings to re-emerge, as feelings change time after time.

[WitchKing]

hey...forward it to him lorr.....
but I do think he knows...he just don care....:(

On the other hand, it takes two to clap. Granted I've only heard my sis-in-law's side of the story....mebbe the failure lies with both of them....dunno-lah. We each have to make each others own marriages have smooth sailing in clear skies...kalu start fikir masalah orang....sia sia pening.

Baik tak payah pikir.

[song cm]

For those who expect love to last forever, i think they should question themselves, if they really meant feelings or love (by choice and by act).

Yes... Love can last for eternity... becuz its a choice and not based on feelings.... feelings will change, or deteriorate even... but if you choose to love that person until the end, you will stay with that person and care for that person until the end.

If a partner, based marriage on feelings, then Im pretty sure, no one marriages will ever last. SO really, love can last, if both partners work on the relationship together... and not expect the first-love feelings to re-emerge, as feelings change time after time.

now i am confused....LOVE is not a feeling?? :confused:

but I do get wat u r trying to say...tks :)

[lynnee]

aik..how come like my CMPC notes only?

hahaha... talk about de ja vu...

[WitchKing]

now i am confused....LOVE is not a feeling?? :confused:

but I do get wat u r trying to say...tks :)

I used to think having kids will stabilize any marriage no matter how rocky it can get....but looking at my SIL, man was I soo wrong.

LOVE definitely a feeling....only by losing that feeling can some people actually be driven to proceed with diassembling or outright knock down what you have built a life together with.....your children affected aso you dun give a damn sometimes....

[song cm]

I used to think having kids will stabilize any marriage no matter how rocky it can get....but looking at my SIL, man was I soo wrong.

LOVE definitely a feeling....only by losing that feeling can some people actually be driven to proceed with diassembling or outright knock down what you have built a life together with.....your children affected aso you dun give a damn sometimes....

yeah...having kids does help...at least both the parents can love the kids and thus have a common gound of affection...plus you will try harder to keep the marriage for the sake of the kids.....

[SS2006]

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a
completely natural and spontaneous experience.

You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in
love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the
imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing
there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
Don't agree with this part. I mean you don't marry just any Tom, Dick and Harry or Jane, Mary and Nellie who swept you off your feet. You'll have use your judgement whether that person will be suitable as a life partner.
Let me tell my own experience, there was this guy after me whom i was also very attracted to. He's handsome and funny and nice and we click off very well. He always come to my hostel to find me during night and we talk for hours at the mamak stall in the hostel. But there was something nagging me that he may not be a suitable partner...as he was a heavy smoker and his buddies also seem very samseng one...and i was very kwai kwai one at that time...i did gave it a long thought.... And my best friend also commented "he's only suitable as a friend, not a life partner".
So when he finally got enough courage to ask me out to KL town during the weekend, i spontaneously turn him down. He did not pursue after that but we still remain as good friend but he no longer came to find me during the night. Only year later, he asked me "So, have you found a Chinese boyfriend?" And i thought OMG, is that the reason he thought i rejected him? Oh yeah, forgot to mention...he's a portuguese-chinese...very hensem.:D
okok...before i confuse you all with my story, what i'm saying here most people do not let love/lust sweep them blindly. Even when in love, we are still able to think rationally, think long-term...My instinct told me that guy would not be a suitable life partner for me, background too different, but not because of his race (please don't get me wrong...as he did) ...and i got out before it's too late.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER
just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of
love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,
it takes WISDOM.
You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your
marriage.


Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.


Agree with this .

[singteck]

You people love to discuss thing that you have no control over! :eek:

[song cm]

You people love to discuss thing that you have no control over! :eek:

haha...go n tell ur swmbo dat u still love her dearly....

[singteck]

haha...go n tell ur swmbo dat u still love her dearly....

Errr I do that everyday... :o Don't you people do that? :weird:

When you have been with someone so long and you fall in love with him/her all over again then we discuss it further :noworry:

[Dino]

Sheesh!!! Is the concept of marriage so difficult for some people?
You make a decision to stay with someone for life and thats it.
Its all about commitment and responsibility. Don't get married for the sake of getting married and "to get some" but get married because you love someone and want to be with that person for life.

[PreciousPearl]

Sheesh!!! Is the concept of marriage so difficult for some people?
You make a decision to stay with someone for life and thats it.
Its all about commitment and responsibility. Don't get married for the sake of getting married and "to get some" but get married because you love someone and want to be with that person for life.
waaa Dino, tok like u got the experience wan :amused:

for me maybe the difference is the state of mind (love, lust, crush, feelings, call it what u will .....) vs state of being (what u have actually committed to, what you have to live with & what you want to maintain for the rest of ur life). to me the latter is much more worthwhile working hard to keep, because it endures for the whole life whereas the "fall in love" feeling only lasts a few short months. just my 2p worth.

[SS2006]

waaa Dino, tok like u got the experience wan :amused:

for me maybe the difference is the state of mind (love, lust, crush, feelings, call it what u will .....) vs state of being (what u have actually committed to, what you have to live with & what you want to maintain for the rest of ur life). to me the latter is much more worthwhile working hard to keep, because it endures for the whole life whereas the "fall in love" feeling only lasts a few short months. just my 2p worth.
Ever heard of this saying... "Open eye big big before marriage, close one eye after marriage".
Unless...one partner behaviour changed too much after years of marriage...that's another story...:worried:

[Lava Gal]

i hath ENTERED! and i'm chooo far far away from being married...haha, ada risk meh? =p

or is the risk supposed to be for married ppl oni?

anyway guys...this thread is great! very nice stuff, song...and all the others, i cant agree more with LOVE IS A DECISION statement...coz we all know its hard to be madly in love with 1 person, for ur lifetime!
or...is that really possible?!!:wacko:

even staying with s1 oso...once u know s1 better...its a conscious choice to close one eye

[song cm]

lava....risk of not wanting to get married later....hahah :laugh:

well...both me n mrs still love each other but our love are not of those of passion and "tingling" sensation dat we had many many many years ago....but it is now replaced by the love of companionship, special bond, tolerance and understanding......:)

[Lava Gal]

ignorance is never bliss brudder...so better to be 'in the know'
wat is to come shall come when the time is rite...at least i'll be 'well-armed' ;)

[song cm]

ignorance is never bliss brudder...so better to be 'in the know'
wat is to come shall come when the time is rite...at least i'll be 'well-armed' ;)

good to hear dat lava....hope we have equip u well....:)

[WitchKing]

lava....risk of not wanting to get married later....hahah :laugh:

well...both me n mrs still love each other but our love are not of those of passion and "tingling" sensation dat we had many many many years ago....but it is now replaced by the love of companionship, special bond, tolerance and understanding......:)

Very nice, Song. Very very nice.....since we are on the tolerance thingy mebbe she will 'tolerate' you buying a bike on a whim too?.....or is that pretty much pushing it :p

[song cm]

Very nice, Song. Very very nice.....since we are on the tolerance thingy mebbe she will 'tolerate' you buying a bike on a whim too?.....or is that pretty much pushing it :p

dat why i call it project 2006/2007.....need to do it slowly....:)

[NHLee]

So, what about this thread? Did I marry a wrong person?..is it?

Son already 15 liao.:)

[song cm]

So, what about this thread? Did I marry a wrong person?..is it?

Son already 15 liao.:)
u tell me....:p

[NHLee]

u tell me....:p

I love my bini and son.:)

[SS2006]

So, what about this thread? Did I marry a wrong person?..is it?

Son already 15 liao.:)
Or maybe topic also i born the wrong son?:p
What's been decided is decided...no need to ponder so much anymore...just work hard to make the best of it. I always believe my women intuition is always correct.

[NHLee]

Or maybe topic also i born the wrong son?:p
What's been decided is decided...no need to ponder so much anymore...just work hard to make the best of it. I always believe my women intuition is always correct.

No way for me. My wife is fine. My son is fine.:) A combined DNA of east and west.

[song cm]

No way for me. My wife is fine. My son is fine.:) A combined DNA of east and west.
Dr lee...ur mrs mat salleh? sure ur son very hemsom one...:)

[SS2006]

No way for me. My wife is fine. My son is fine.:) A combined DNA of east and west.
I know, i know ... i'm not saying you. I'm just saying in general...some people will say "i married the wrong person' when things turn sour ..but you hardly ever hear people say 'i born the wrong children'. That's unconditional love for the children. If everyone also practice unconditional love for their spouse, i believe the marriage will remain strong forever.

[PreciousPearl]

I love my bini and son.:)
good for u (and ur bini & son!)

[NHLee]

Dr lee...ur mrs mat salleh? sure ur son very hemsom one...:)

His eye region slightly different than ours..he got somehow deep set orbital socket. He got dark hair but not black. Wife's chromosome got 45% chinese, and some caucasoid (Aust.):)

[NHLee]

I know, i know ... i'm not saying you. I'm just saying in general...some people will say "i married the wrong person' when things turn sour ..but you hardly ever hear people say 'i born the wrong children'. That's unconditional love for the children. If everyone also practice unconditional love for their spouse, i believe the marriage will remain strong forever.

In life, there are lots of choices to make..some just make a good one..but unexpectedly didn't turn up the way they wish down the road..:h: Anyway, who is that perfect in everything?:)

[Lava Gal]

LOVE QUOTES

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone,
an hour to like someone,
and an day to love someone...
but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman,
but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man.
It breaks your heart to see the one you love is happy with someone else,
but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.
Love makes life so confusing,
but without love would you really want to live?
Do you love me because I am beautiful
or am I beautiful because I am loved?
Love me now, hate me never,
but if you love me, love me forever.
Three things of life that are most valuable -
Love, self-confidence & friends.
Love cures people -- both the ones who give it
and the ones who receive it
All, everything that I understand,
I understand only because I love
Is it better for a woman to marry a man who loves her
or a man she loves
To the world you may be just one person,
but to one person you may be the world.
Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell.
Who do you turn to when the only person
in the world that can stop you from crying,
is exactly the one making you cry?
He taught me how to love,
but not how to stop.
Of all forms of caution,
caution in love is the most fatal
We come to love not by finding a perfect person,
but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly
Many a young lady does not realize just how strong
her love for a young man is until he fails to pass
the approval test with her parents
Where there is love,
there is God too
Give her two red roses, each with a note.
The first note says 'For the Woman I love'
and the second, 'For my best friend’
A good marriage is like a casserole,
only those responsible for it really know what goes in it
No one is perfect until you fall in love with them
Love, true love, is that which can give the most
without asking or demanding anything in return...


Love cures people -- both the ones who give it
and the ones who receive it

This makes me think…we don’t need drs to cure, eh?? All d world needs is loads & tonnes of love ;) ~Lava Gal~

[Sarah]

Sheesh!!! Is the concept of marriage so difficult for some people?
You make a decision to stay with someone for life and thats it.
Its all about commitment and responsibility. Don't get married for the sake of getting married and "to get some" but get married because you love someone and want to be with that person for life.


hehe... short and precise...:p

[monay]

Only In Hollywood
It’s time for the envelopes, please. Tango hands out the Oscars for Most Dangerous Romantic Movie Myths

My friend Michelle and her on-again-off-again were off. Again. She complained that he just wasn’t going to the right lengths to win her back. “I need a big gesture,” she said. “I need roses. I need tears. I need Lloyd Dobler on the front lawn with a boom box raised over his head.”

Another friend, Laura, had not met anyone even halfway decent in months, and was starting to wonder if her best friend, Tiny Tony -- a sweetheart who is unfortunately short, bald, and bulbous -- might be the guy for her after all. “I’ve never been attracted to him or anything,” she said. “But maybe it’s a When Harry Met Sally situation. Maybe we’re meant to be and I just haven’t noticed.”

After almost 15 years as a faithful fan of romantic comedies, I’ve come to a painful conclusion: The movies we watch to supplement our love lives are actually sabotaging them. They make us wonder why our ex hasn’t appeared in our yard playing “In Your Eyes” at midnight even though, if he did so, we’d file for a restraining order, not a marriage license. They lead us to believe that an older, more sophisticated man who criticizes the way we look/talk/ dress will fall madly in love with our made-over selves -- if it was good enough for Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady, it’s good enough for us.

A lot of lip service has been paid to the idea that violence in films causes men to be violent in real life. Why isn’t anyone calling for warning labels for movies that cause otherwise reasonable women to act like emotional psychopaths? Hollywood’s take on love leaves us dissatisfied with the relationships we have, and hungry for the sort of romance that simply never occurs in nature.

I’d like to tell you that this realization has caused me to throw out all my old videotapes. Into the trash with you, Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. You’ve set me up for failure, Rock Hudson. It’s documentaries and presidential biopics from here on in. But a girl’s gotta dream.

Still, it’s helpful to at least try to separate fact from fiction. In that spirit, I’ve identified some of the most common romantic-movie traps. If you feel yourself slipping back into fantasyland, get thee to a Blockbuster and rent Annie Hall -- the only romantic movie I can think of that’s both satisfying and honest.

The Sleepless in Seattle Trap
Like Bill Pullman in the movie, your current boyfriend or fiancé may have committed some unforgivable crimes, such as having lots of allergies but no nickname. Then you hear a voice on the radio, or see a face across a crowded room. Suddenly, you know this stranger is the love of your life. OK, you already have a partner who’s perfectly stable and lovely, but I’m afraid you will have to end that relationship. After all, in the 30 seconds you’ve spent with the new man, you’ve learned everything there is to know about him. And. It. Is. Good. You use Google, gossip, mutual acquaintances, and expensive private investigators to track him down and ask him out to dinner.

See also: Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, A Walk in the Clouds.

The Real Ending: Over dinner, you realize he has bad breath, a wife, and absolutely nothing whatsoever in common with you.

The As Good As It Gets Trap
You’ve found a guy who has that certain something -- as well as a bad attitude, a fear of commitment, or just a nonspecific nasty streak. Other than that, though, what a catch. Minor personality flaws won’t stand in the way of your fate. You decide that your love can change him, because that’s what true love does.

See also: Jerry Maguire, Reality Bites.

The Real Ending: You go to great lengths to show him that you’re worth loving before ultimately deciding that he’s never going to change -- and that he’s the last thing you’d want to complete you, anyway.

The An Affair to Remember Trap
You meet the perfect man and make elaborate, romantic plans for the future right away. He takes your number (no need for you to take his) and promises to call the next day. When the phone doesn’t ring, you don’t worry -- he’s your soul mate after all, there’s just been some misunderstanding. Two days later, you start to grow concerned that something has happened to him. Is he under a bus somewhere? Has he been taken hostage? You go from concerned to all-out panicked. Despite the gentle protestations of your friends that perhaps he’s just not that into you, you remain convinced that he was hit by a cab and rendered a cripple, and is too proud to leave his apartment.

See also: The Notebook.

The Real Ending: Three months later you see him dancing in a club with some chick in a tube top.

The When Harry Met Sally Trap
You’ve never been attracted to your male best friend, but recently things in the romance department have been less than enthralling. So you start to wonder -- maybe, just maybe, The One has been staring you in the face all along. Who cares if he still lives in his mom’s basement? This is destiny, damn it.

The Real Ending: Prepare for an awkward, tequila-induced make-out session that definitely requires an “I don’t know what I was thinking” email the next day.

The Titanic Trap
You just made partner and need to focus on work, but you can’t get this new guy off your mind. His name is Bo, he never went to college, and he works at the burrito place where you sometimes grab lunch between clients. Your friends ask what exactly you hope to gain from this relationship, but luckily you’re not a snob like them, and you know that a person’s job isn’t what defines him.

See also: Sabrina, Pretty Woman, Sweet Home Alabama.

The Real Ending: At a company dinner, your boss asks Bo what he does and he replies, “I work the grill, but I’m hoping to be put on the register soon.” Face it: If Leo had made it to dry land, that relationship would never have survived.

The Stepmom Trap
None of your romantic fantasies ended with Prince Charming leaving you for his secretary. Nor did they include falling for an otherwise great man with two sizable and unavoidable flaws (i.e., his children). Don’t panic. Contrary to what you might think, this divorce stuff is a piece of cake. Your step kids hate you? All it’s going to take to turn that around are some good old fashioned sex tips from you (to make the brats more popular, duh) and the untimely death of their mother. Your ex couldn’t seem to tie his own shoelaces when you were together? Rest assured that once you’ve signed the divorce papers, he will clean up his act and become the kind of guy you meant to marry.

See also: The Philadelphia Story, High Society, The Parent Trap, Mrs. Doubtfire.

The Real Ending: You continue to hate the bastard for years to come, despite the fact that your shrink says rage won’t help you heal. And whatever side of the joint custody battle you might fall on -- be it mom or stepmom -- the kids aren’t going to make the situation any easier. If you’re a stepmom, get ready for the cry of “You can’t tell me what to do! You’re not my mother!” to take up permanent residence in your psyche. If you’re the real mom, the line will be “When we’re at Dad’s house, Bambi never makes us do our homework/eat our vegetables/stop playing with knives.”

The Pretty in Pink Trap
Your next-door neighbor just happens to be a Calvin Klein underwear model. Lucky you. You’ve brought him countless jars of jam that need loosening, and even gotten locked out of your place in your cutest dress. Yet he hasn’t asked you out. In the words of Journey, “Don’t stop believin’.”

See also: Notting Hill, Love Actually.

The Real Ending: There’s a fine line between healthy optimism and insanity. There’s also a reason the quarterback in high school always dated the head cheerleader -- their kind is biologically predetermined to go forth and make other popular kids for everyone else to envy. It might be smarter to set your sights on the guy in 2B with the sweet smile and the receding hairline.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

J. Courtney Sullivan’s first book, Dating Up: The Ultimate Guide to Finding the Man You Deserve is due out from Warner Books in February 2007.

[h2o]

Ever heard of this saying... "Open eye big big before marriage, close one eye after marriage".
Unless...one partner behaviour changed too much after years of marriage...that's another story...:worried:
yeah if so how?
my friend was married with three kids and then the hubby started to drink more n more until he never came back from work - just go to pub straight after work and drink till 2-3am and comeback broke in taxi then sometimes beat her up if she said anything, if she kept quiet and pretended to be asleep in bed he would fall into bed stinking of beer, smoke and unhygiene and snore loudly........ provide no companionship, no money, like a tramp off the street and violently abusive if you try to talk him into getting help. she took the kids and left him one fine day after 12 years of abuse. (btw she is deeply religious and believes in marriage forever!!!!) so?

that is just one of the many i know.....

[funkmeister]

oi h20, i told you not to share my story here :laugh:

[h2o]

oi h20, i told you not to share my story here :laugh:
soli soli which husband was that one again? not 5 ah? :D

[funkmeister]

hehe..just kidding. I hope sarah doesn't read this

[h2o]

hehe..just kidding. I hope sarah doesn't read this
you're dead meat funk

[SS2006]

yeah if so how?
my friend was married with three kids and then the hubby started to drink more n more until he never came back from work - just go to pub straight after work and drink till 2-3am and comeback broke in taxi then sometimes beat her up if she said anything, if she kept quiet and pretended to be asleep in bed he would fall into bed stinking of beer, smoke and unhygiene and snore loudly........ provide no companionship, no money, like a tramp off the street and violently abusive if you try to talk him into getting help. she took the kids and left him one fine day after 12 years of abuse. (btw she is deeply religious and believes in marriage forever!!!!) so?

that is just one of the many i know.....
If partner behavior change to that extreme...dump him! Tolerate for 12 years? She must be one darn patient wife...she deserves better.:mad:

[h2o]

If partner behavior change to that extreme...dump him! Tolerate for 12 years? She must be one darn patient wife...she deserves better.:mad:
she's now fifty-something - she's the v lembik type, when she told me her story, tears welled up in her eyes and her lips quivered......... my heart melted for her

[dontbullshit]

If partner behavior change to that extreme...dump him! Tolerate for 12 years? She must be one darn patient wife...she deserves better.:mad:

THat's usually the case with women.. I have encountered a number of them. They just withstand all the abuse hoping for a better tomorrow. At times a better tomorrow do visit them but 99% will end up being further abused.

[SS2006]

THat's usually the case with women.. I have encountered a number of them. They just withstand all the abuse hoping for a better tomorrow. At times a better tomorrow do visit them but 99% will end up being further abused.
I read an article once about abused woman. Study/survey done showed most of the abused woman are housewives, lower education, and depends on the husband financially. My question is whether these woman will tolerate abusive husband more than women who are financially independant, or is it men more prone to abuse the women who they think are dependant on them and will not retaliate, compared to women who will definitely walk out on them if they were to turn abusive.:unsure:

[dontbullshit]

I read an article once about abused woman. Study/survey done showed most of the abused woman are housewives, lower education, and depends on the husband financially. My question is whether these woman will tolerate abusive husband more than women who are financially independant, or is it men more prone to abuse the women who they think are dependant on them and will not retaliate, compared to women who will definitely walk out on them if they were to turn abusive.:unsure:.

Depends on the upbringing of the individual women. Some highly educated women are willing to undergo these types of abuses. Reason: various reasons. Religion is usually the main reason. Another obvious reason: for children's sake or their social reputation and standing. Some not.

Of course the women who are not so educated and financially dependant are the clear victims. They will stick to their husbands like leeches. Excuse me for the pun. They will only dare to leave their abusive husbands if they finally have found their own security ie sufficient mental and some financial support.

[h2o]

I read an article once about abused woman. Study/survey done showed most of the abused woman are housewives, lower education, and depends on the husband financially. My question is whether these woman will tolerate abusive husband more than women who are financially independant, or is it men more prone to abuse the women who they think are dependant on them and will not retaliate, compared to women who will definitely walk out on them if they were to turn abusive.:unsure:


.

Depends on the upbringing of the individual women. Some highly educated women are willing to undergo these types of abuses. Reason: various reasons. Religion is usually the main reason. Another obvious reason: for children's sake or their social reputation and standing. Some not.

Of course the women who are not so educated and financially dependant are the clear victims. They will stick to their husbands like leeches. Excuse me for the pun. They will only dare to leave their abusive husbands if they finally have found their own security ie sufficient mental and some financial support.

there's some partial truth in both which make up the main factors in this sort of case

[alfred98]

Now raping wife is an offences in Malaysia lah......:blink:

[dontbullshit]

Now raping wife is an offences in Malaysia lah......:blink:

Wanna be the sample case??:D

[noname]

I know, i know ... i'm not saying you. I'm just saying in general...some people will say "i married the wrong person' when things turn sour ..but you hardly ever hear people say 'i born the wrong children'. That's unconditional love for the children. If everyone also practice unconditional love for their spouse, i believe the marriage will remain strong forever.
agreed with you on the statement. normally ppl will start thinking about -ve when bad thing happen.

if someone quarrel with hubby/wifey a lot, surely one day they will think...izit im married to right person? :p

[athena]

what's the answer to tat??? :p

[Anson F-Clef]

I may be working on a relationship and thanxalot and appreciate it, Song for this article - to cut the whole story short, relationships are basically about 2 imperfect beings coming together - and to "have" a perfect/UTOPIA relationship is IMPOSSIBLE.....well I am definitely gonna ask myself time and again.....do I fit into THAT AWESOME MASTERPLAN?

i think it is more of ppl expecting love to last forever....

My next Q....Can LOVE last for eternity? (we are talking abt love for the same person, k....)

[singteck]

Sigh :sus:

Sometimes the wife gets abused by the husband.... sometimes the husband gets abused by the wife.... sometimes things happen..... sometimes we get out of line.... sometimes the situation predict the action...... sometimes things just happen....

Life goes on....... :unsure:

[VJ]

yup life goes on. for better or for worse till death do us apart, i guess plp say that to not give up in marriage. sum plp give up dat ezly not even with trying. such is life these days ladies and gentelmen. But seriously listen to BOB MARLEY and if your a smoker, light a fag an if your a coffee addict then make a solid expresso and just for that moment take your worries away and smile, then you will realize life is more that just that. Its beautiful. Cheers:cool:

[Anson F-Clef]

Reminds me a lot about Eurhythmics' "Sweet Dreams" lyrics....

Sigh :sus:

Sometimes the wife gets abused by the husband.... sometimes the husband gets abused by the wife.... sometimes things happen..... sometimes we get out of line.... sometimes the situation predict the action...... sometimes things just happen....

Life goes on....... :unsure: