View Full Version : Divorce
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 02:34 PM
Recently, I met a lot of young couple getting divorce after 2-3 years. In the olden days, we hardly heard of a people going for divorce proceeding.
I think that young people don't really learn to appreciate the true value of matrimonial vows. Everyone is trying to find the easy way out by getting divorce. So sad to see that young children or even babies are without one of their parent.
A lot of young couple don't want to tolerate their spouse. In their mind, the will say "Why should I?".
What is going to happened to our society?
athena
12-19-2005, 02:37 PM
hmm....am i considered 'young' couple category? ?
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 02:40 PM
I think people age below 35 can be consider as young couplehmm....am i considered 'young' couple category? ?
siewjang
12-19-2005, 02:42 PM
Last time women's thinking - if they are not happy in marriage/spouse, they will still yan, yan, yan, for the sake of their pride.
Nowadays - women are more independant. To them without husband they can survive also.
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 02:47 PM
Siew Jang
Applicable to both men & women,Small arguement & they will call for divorce.
I really cannot understand at all. They just do not want to tolerate each other.
The basis of the the society crumbles,according to Confucius
alfred98
12-19-2005, 02:57 PM
:mad:
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 02:59 PM
here we are not talking about money.
I am talking about a moral value 36 how lah old couple ah. I think not by age lah. Is by Years of marriage lah.. :D
Yah lor now adays ah vari bad lah. Couple argued abit divorceeee. I think better make ruling like buying houses once marriage can onli divorced at every 5 years so 5, 10,15. Like that couple don't suka-suka asked for divorced.
Aiyah why divorced lah now a days money can buy love one mah. 20,000 for young vietnamese girl lor-virgin confirmed lah, got certificate one ok. :p
alfred98
12-19-2005, 03:05 PM
:mad:
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 03:08 PM
It is ok!
Looking at the situation now, I really pity those kids from divorce parents
OK lah sori.. :o trying to cheer up mah :)
athena
12-19-2005, 03:14 PM
ok la..maybe what i am going to say ain't gonna be that solid, since i'm not married.
I guess, most people place a lot on "love" without really knowing what it is. They want to have the romantic feel to the relationship. The need for passion. and all these things will fade thus making them feel that they have fall out of love. therefore they divorce. coz no more 'feeling' for each other mah!
siewjang
12-19-2005, 03:15 PM
Siew Jang
Applicable to both men & women,Small arguement & they will call for divorce.
I really cannot understand at all. They just do not want to tolerate each other.
The basis of the the society crumbles,according to Confucius
Last time 'divorce' not trend. Now very trend already. So they just follow la. But then, still very rare la. I find some women very sui hei. A bit, a bit want to divorce.
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 03:17 PM
Very true but most women would not agree with your statementLast time 'divorce' not trend. Now very trend already. So they just follow la. But then, still very rare la. I find some women very sui hei. A bit, a bit want to divorce.
SS2006
12-19-2005, 03:19 PM
I agree wif Alfred (for the 1st time :D ), should not go by age, but by how long the marriage last. If a marriage break within 1 or 2 years, then can say they do no take the marriage vows serious enough. But if after 10 or 20 years only divorce, then there may be already some problem with either party, but the other spouse just yan, yan, yan until cannot tahan. So no point staying in a dying marriage.
Back to the 1st case, i think people's tolerance level is getting lower and their expectation of their spouse is getting higher. There's a saying " before marriage, open your eyes wide, after marriage close half eye." If he/she already pass the stringent spouse screening criteria , no point to dig out on other defects after marriage. All that should be secondary and tolerated.
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 03:23 PM
Shirlene, I like your comments. Tolerate, that is what is lacking
[Shirlene]
There's a saying " before marriage, open your eyes wide, after marriage close half eye." If he/she already pass the stringent spouse screening criteria , no point to dig out on other defects after marriage. All that should be secondary and tolerated.
alfred98
12-19-2005, 03:28 PM
:mad:
siewjang
12-19-2005, 03:30 PM
[edited]
alfred98
12-19-2005, 03:32 PM
:mad:
darthvader
12-19-2005, 03:40 PM
someone shared with me that divorce should not even be an option. couples should always try to work things out. there will be arguments etc in a marriage. that is expected. but just because they exist, it doesn't mean that the first and/or the last thing that comes to mind is divorce.
SS2006
12-19-2005, 03:44 PM
ok la..maybe what i am going to say ain't gonna be that solid, since i'm not married.
I guess, most people place a lot on "love" without really knowing what it is. They want to have the romantic feel to the relationship. The need for passion. and all these things will fade thus making them feel that they have fall out of love. therefore they divorce. coz no more 'feeling' for each other mah!
Hmmm...LiLiaN and i were just discussing about this over the weekend, and we both share the same sentiment...we both will reject someone's approach if we feel he is not right for us. If you ask how to know whether he is right or not...the answer is trust our women instinct :D .
That is a tell-tale sign of a failing relationship, if small unimportant things he/she does makes you feel irritated, then it's better to heed the warnings and not get too deep. Some people are just too much blinded by the wooing and romance and all the sweet nothings, they just tend to ignore the warning.
One big mistake people make is to think that they will be able to change their spouse after marriage. On the other hand, if you are willing to change yourself for your spouse, then that's true unconditional love. But be careful don't be a doormat, horr...
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 03:44 PM
Very true my friend. There is a solution for every problem.
We must face it
someone shared with me that divorce should not even be an option. couples should always try to work things out. there will be arguments etc in a marriage. that is expected. but just because they exist, it doesn't mean that the first and/or the last thing that comes to mind is divorce.
SS2006
12-19-2005, 03:57 PM
someone shared with me that divorce should not even be an option. couples should always try to work things out. there will be arguments etc in a marriage. that is expected. but just because they exist, it doesn't mean that the first and/or the last thing that comes to mind is divorce.
Dun agree there...divorce should be the last thing that come to mind but it should still remain as an accessible option. Imagine a dead marriage, but there is no way out...you might as well be dead then.
Just dun simply simply cry out divorce every now and the as a threat. I think a couple should be given counselling to see whether they can work out their difference before a divorce. If really cannot, then divorce is the better option.
If a person married a wife/ husband beater or a womaniser/ maniser (see, i'm beeing very gender neutral here :D ), divorce would be better for both party.
But for their kids...very headache lorr...i cannot think of a solution now...
athena
12-19-2005, 04:02 PM
in the catholic faith, divorce is not an option...
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 04:04 PM
You are talking about extreme cases here.
I agree with your view if this is the situationIf a person married a wife/ husband beater or a womaniser/ maniser (see, i'm beeing very gender neutral here :D ), divorce would be better for both party.
But for their kids...very headache lorr...i cannot think of a solution now...
James Nga
12-19-2005, 04:05 PM
Dun agree there...divorce should be the last thing that come to mind but it should still remain as an accessible option. Imagine a dead marriage, but there is no way out...you might as well be dead then.
Just dun simply simply cry out divorce every now and the as a threat. I think a couple should be given counselling to see whether they can work out their difference before a divorce. If really cannot, then divorce is the better option.
If a person married a wife/ husband beater or a womaniser/ maniser (see, i'm beeing very gender neutral here :D ), divorce would be better for both party.
But for their kids...very headache lorr...i cannot think of a solution now...
Difficult issue here - from a HR or Marketing point of view - pay more attention during selection process or buying process.
Less headache esp. during firing or doing a post-purchase evaluation..
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 04:06 PM
A serious case of occupational hazard:eek: Difficult issue here - from a HR or Marketing point of view - pay more attention during selection process or buying process.
Less headache esp. during firing or doing a post-purchase evaluation..
James Nga
12-19-2005, 04:07 PM
in the catholic faith, divorce is not an option...
Waah Athena, you Catholic ka??? For catholic, everything also kenot.. no birth control, no divorce, no same sex marriage..everything else...NO! :p :laugh:
athena
12-19-2005, 04:10 PM
Waah Athena, you Catholic ka??? For catholic, everything also kenot.. no birth control, no divorce, no same sex marriage..everything else...NO! :p :laugh:
haha..for this alone, i'm proud to be catholic!! :laugh:
Siew Jang
Applicable to both men & women,Small arguement & they will call for divorce.
I really cannot understand at all. They just do not want to tolerate each other.
The basis of the the society crumbles,according to Confucius
i don't think things are that simple or petty when it comes to divorce. most people really do intend that it's only the once and forever when they married, but unfortunately it often doesn't end up that way.
i guess in the past, it was a lot harder for people to get divorced because of societal pressures and women were less independant now.
it's funny how we prepare for work with at least 12 years of education, but very few people are ever taught or prepared with any training when they get married
Hmmm...LiLiaN and i were just discussing about this over the weekend, and we both share the same sentiment...we both will reject someone's approach if we feel he is not right for us. If you ask how to know whether he is right or not...the answer is trust our women instinct :D .
That is a tell-tale sign of a failing relationship, if small unimportant things he/she does makes you feel irritated, then it's better to heed the warnings and not get too deep. Some people are just too much blinded by the wooing and romance and all the sweet nothings, they just tend to ignore the warning.
One big mistake people make is to think that they will be able to change their spouse after marriage. On the other hand, if you are willing to change yourself for your spouse, then that's true unconditional love. But be careful don't be a doormat, horr...
agree with you on that...
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 04:14 PM
Relationship among human is so complicated. It is true that it is not easy to identify the real cause.i don't think things are that simple or petty when it comes to divorce. most people really do intend that it's only the once and forever when they married, but unfortunately it often doesn't end up that way.
i guess in the past, it was a lot harder for people to get divorced because of societal pressures and women were less independant now.
it's funny how we prepare for work with at least 12 years of education, but very few people are ever taught or prepared with any training when they get married
James Nga
12-19-2005, 04:15 PM
haha..for this alone, i'm proud to be catholic!! :laugh:
Ave Maria....... Athena........ We can expect a big family from you then! :laugh:
Dun agree there...divorce should be the last thing that come to mind but it should still remain as an accessible option. Imagine a dead marriage, but there is no way out...you might as well be dead then.
Just dun simply simply cry out divorce every now and the as a threat. I think a couple should be given counselling to see whether they can work out their difference before a divorce. If really cannot, then divorce is the better option.
If a person married a wife/ husband beater or a womaniser/ maniser (see, i'm beeing very gender neutral here :D ), divorce would be better for both party.
But for their kids...very headache lorr...i cannot think of a solution now...
agree with you shirlene. divorce is very unfortunate and should be the last option, but sometimes it's for the better. sort of a small good coming out of something bad...on the hand, even within christianity a lot people believe that it should never be an option...
James Nga
12-19-2005, 04:18 PM
it's funny how we prepare for work with at least 12 years of education, but very few people are ever taught or prepared with any training when they get married
l see !! So, we humans also need crash course like how to avoid conflict + save/repair a broken marriage, etc., etc. - kinda like a car mechanic course lah! :laugh:
athena
12-19-2005, 04:18 PM
Ave Maria....... Athena........ We can expect a big family from you then! :laugh:
why?? eesh..the catholic church does not allow the usage of 'un-natural' birth control but there are natural birth control methods wan mah...hahaha....anyway, this is a small part only.
before taking marriage vows, i feel couples should go for a pre-marriage course..
l see !! So, we humans also need crash course like how to avoid conflict + save/repair a broken marriage, etc., etc. - kinda like a car mechanic course lah! :laugh:
i would say everyone needs training on friendships, relationships, social interaction and communication, although a lot of women are probably better prepared than men...women learn to socialise well from an early age...
i think it's very important to pick carefully whom you marry, like what shirlene said. or like one my favourite singers, beth orton put it, 'better to have no love, than crap love...'
although, especially in the asian culture, there's a lot of pressure to get married as soon as possible...
James Nga
12-19-2005, 04:24 PM
why?? eesh..the catholic church does not allow the usage of 'un-natural' birth control but there are natural birth control methods wan mah...hahaha....anyway, this is a small part only.
before taking marriage vows, i feel couples should go for a pre-marriage course..
No sure what the 1st part means, but ne'eh mind..... :laugh: BUT...
I sokong 1000% for the pre-marriage course thing... prepare you to deal with inlaws-outlaws stuff..
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 04:25 PM
What course? Intercourse?No sure what the 1st part means, but ne'eh mind..... :laugh: BUT...
I sokong 1000% for the pre-marriage course thing... prepare you to deal with inlaws-outlaws stuff..
James Nga
12-19-2005, 04:28 PM
What course? Intercourse?
Aiyaaaa!!! not that one lah.... that one any hamsak loh also can conduct... :smile-2:
Tis course can help you to do/prepare for eventuality and hopefully, reduce itu "cerai" laaa... Even the muslims also got this class now..wajib somemore.. :laugh:
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 04:30 PM
oh i see!Aiyaaaa!!! not that one lah.... that one any hamsak loh also can conduct... :smile-2:
Tis course can help you to do/prepare for eventuality and hopefully, reduce itu "cerai" laaa... Even the muslims also got this class now..wajib somemore.. :laugh:
SS2006
12-19-2005, 04:30 PM
agree with you shirlene. divorce is very unfortunate and should be the last option, but sometimes it's for the better. sort of a small good coming out of something bad...on the hand, even within christianity a lot people believe that it should never be an option...
I agree wif that, people do make mistake sometimes...but does that mean they are sentenced to live with that mistake for life? A marriage with no love and tolerance and care and happiness has no meaning....why not just let the spouse go and find happiness elsewhere? Some things are not worth holding on, will bring more heartache to both party...and their kids too. Imagine a kid staying under the same roof as both parents but seeing them hating each other...would not be good for the kid's emotional growth....
i know children from divorced familes who are happy. their parents still do things together with the children and do not fight in fron of them.
on the other hand, i know children from families where the parents have stayed together for the childrens' sake but the children are not happy cos the parents are constantly bickering...
WitchKing
12-19-2005, 04:34 PM
Aiyaaaa!!! not that one lah.... that one any hamsak loh also can conduct... :smile-2:
Tis course can help you to do/prepare for eventuality and hopefully, reduce itu "cerai" laaa... Even the muslims also got this class now..wajib somemore.. :laugh:
Not wajib religiously, just wajib kat MAIWP and MAIS. Kalu tak, you tak dapat lesen kahwin.
James Nga
12-19-2005, 04:44 PM
Not wajib religiously, just wajib kat MAIWP and MAIS. Kalu tak, you tak dapat lesen kahwin.
kahwin pooon nak lesen??? :amazed:
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 04:50 PM
What is the social stigma attached to divorce today?
athena
12-19-2005, 04:50 PM
kahwin pooon nak lesen??? :amazed:
huh?? u tarak marriage license??? i tot everybody mesti ada wan?? :blink:
James Nga
12-19-2005, 04:53 PM
huh?? u tarak marriage license??? i tot everybody mesti ada wan?? :blink:
not when you kahwin ala cowboy.... :laugh:
Voon Chan
12-19-2005, 04:54 PM
Saya pun tarak lesen wan. Mahu pergi mana dapat lesen?huh?? u tarak marriage license??? i tot everybody mesti ada wan?? :blink:
What is the social stigma attached to divorce today?
i think it's a lot less nowadays, although it's probably still quite strong in malaysia and singapore...
suliet
12-19-2005, 05:10 PM
Nobody likes to go through a divorce which is a big hassle. I've been through it and pain is all I can say. I always see couples find fault in the other half instead of themselves. Tolerance is very important in every marriage and also depends on what type of tolerance. All I can say is couples have to give and take at all times.
Odysseus
12-19-2005, 05:12 PM
huh?? u tarak marriage license??? i tot everybody mesti ada wan?? :blink:
bukan lesen la... sijil :p
SS2006
12-19-2005, 05:17 PM
i think it's a lot less nowadays, although it's probably still quite strong in malaysia and singapore...
Divorce is prevalent in all society although many people still uncomfortable talking about it....good example in this forum, only Euj and I making serious discussion, all the other :rolleyes:
Divorce is like a emergency fire exit... you hope you won't need to use it, but it still need to be present. Somemore if no divorce, a lot of lawyers will be out of work :D
Odysseus
12-19-2005, 05:25 PM
Divorce is prevalent in all society although many people still uncomfortable talking about it....good example in this forum, only Euj and I making serious discussion, all the other :rolleyes:
Divorce is like a emergency fire exit... you hope you won't need to use it, but it still need to be present. Somemore if no divorce, a lot of lawyers will be out of work :D
How many people who knows the operating procedure of the fire exit door? maybe cucuan can educate us on this :)
SS2006
12-19-2005, 05:31 PM
How many people who knows the operating procedure of the fire exit door? maybe cucuan can educate us on this :)
WE dun use it, that's why never learn. How many people knows the operating procedure of a divorce?
Odysseus
12-19-2005, 05:40 PM
WE dun use it, that's why never learn. How many people knows the operating procedure of a divorce?
For my lady friends,
Lesson number 1 - Learn from Ivana Trump "Don't get mad, get everything"
cucuan
12-19-2005, 05:49 PM
36 how lah old couple ah. I think not by age lah. Is by Years of marriage lah.. :D
Yah lor now adays ah vari bad lah. Couple argued abit divorceeee. I think better make ruling like buying houses once marriage can onli divorced at every 5 years so 5, 10,15. Like that couple don't suka-suka asked for divorced.
Aiyah why divorced lah now a days money can buy love one mah. 20,000 for young vietnamese girl lor-virgin confirmed lah, got certificate one ok. :p
True, as the saying goes, when you can milk the cow why have the cow? (wisdom from some of my confirmed bachelor-friends).
cucuan
WitchKing
12-19-2005, 06:59 PM
Saya pun tarak lesen wan. Mahu pergi mana dapat lesen?
You kena dengar taklimat, lepas tu kena pasang 'L' keliling tengkuk, lepas tu baru dapat lesen. Lepas kahwin, kena pasang 'P' enam bulan dekat pusat.
alfred98
12-19-2005, 07:48 PM
:mad:
LiLiaN
12-19-2005, 09:46 PM
Hmmm...LiLiaN and i were just discussing about this over the weekend, and we both share the same sentiment...we both will reject someone's approach if we feel he is not right for us. If you ask how to know whether he is right or not...the answer is trust our women instinct :D .
That is a tell-tale sign of a failing relationship, if small unimportant things he/she does makes you feel irritated, then it's better to heed the warnings and not get too deep. Some people are just too much blinded by the wooing and romance and all the sweet nothings, they just tend to ignore the warning.
One big mistake people make is to think that they will be able to change their spouse after marriage. On the other hand, if you are willing to change yourself for your spouse, then that's true unconditional love. But be careful don't be a doormat, horr...yup, so in agreement... if someone just doesn't feel right, perhaps, some may argue, you can nurture the feeling... but at the end of the day, instinct does play a major part... and i don't feel it's right just to settle for whoever that happens to be there....
it is important to bear in mind not to be completely swept away by romance... we need to learn to see things as they are, not how we wish things to be... that's self deception, and as time passes, if these wishes don't come true, then one is liable to turn bitter and unhappy... is there a point to inflict this to onself?
i realise love can be sweet and beautiful, but that doesn't make us completely blind to faults... this is when we evaluate if we are going to accept these imperfections (since no one is perfect in the first place) and if we make the decision to accept, then there shouldn't be more grumblings and complaints over it!
and shirlene is right too, one cannot change their partners unless their partners themselves want to change... of course, in an ideal situation, both parties change to complement each other and to make each other happy... there's always a happy medium for compromise, give and take...
Alkapocino
12-20-2005, 01:38 AM
Recently, I met a lot of young couple getting divorce after 2-3 years. In the olden days, we hardly heard of a people going for divorce proceeding.
I think that young people don't really learn to appreciate the true value of matrimonial vows. Everyone is trying to find the easy way out by getting divorce. So sad to see that young children or even babies are without one of their parent.
A lot of young couple don't want to tolerate their spouse. In their mind, the will say "Why should I?".
What is going to happened to our society?
Umm..more will take up legal profession. We need more lawyers then. :cool:
Well...my lecturer once said. In life we'll have a chance to wear three rings. Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring and the Suffer Ring.
I don't quite agree with him till I'm married. In marriage we need to tolerate with one another and sometimes 'suffer' together through hardship. But in the case of many divorce cases, the willingness to 'suffer' together is no longer there.
*suffer could mean various things to different people*
Voon Chan
12-20-2005, 08:30 AM
The stigma is still quite strong but people are slowly accepting it here.
Euj, you have mentioned that a child from a broken family is happy. I think that it does not apply generally. A lot studies show that divorce will have a major impact on a person life
i think it's a lot less nowadays, although it's probably still quite strong in malaysia and singapore...
SS2006
12-20-2005, 08:33 AM
The stigma is still quite strong but people are slowly accepting it here.
Euj, you have mentioned that a child from a broken family is happy. I think that it does not apply generally. A lot studies show that divorce will have a major impact on a person life
An unhappy family have equally or even more impact on the child. Cannot generalise here. Must look as case to case basis.
Voon Chan
12-20-2005, 08:34 AM
Both situation will create the impactAn unhappy family have equally or even more impact on the child. Cannot generalise here. Must look as case to case basis.
SS2006
12-20-2005, 08:57 AM
Both situation will create the impact
Not up to us to pass judgement. I have someone close to me from my husband side of family going thru this. Her family wants her to divorce, she's suffering from emotional abuse from her husband. She's suffering even though on the surface she looks happy go lucky. The least i could do is to stay neutral and supportive. What she needs is just a sympathetic ear to listen to her when she's all pent up, and not for someone to pass judgement or to give well-meaning advice. We will never understand what goes behind their closed door.
There are children involved.
Voon Chan
12-20-2005, 09:01 AM
Shirlene, I am not trying to judge here. What I posted was what I have read from some sociological studies
SS2006
12-20-2005, 09:26 AM
Shirlene, I am not trying to judge here. What I posted was what I have read from some sociological studies
I'm not saying you. I'm saying society in general.
A man sees a divorced woman and thinks she's easy target...
A woman sees a divorced woman as a competition, as someone trying to snatch away their husband...
...That's perception is totally wrong!
Voon Chan
12-20-2005, 09:28 AM
That is someting new to me. I'm not saying you. I'm saying society in general.
A man sees a divorced woman and thinks she's easy target...
A woman sees a divorced woman as a competition, as someone trying to snatch away their husband...
SS2006
12-20-2005, 09:32 AM
That is someting new to me.
Oops...shouldn't have said that.
Voon Chan
12-20-2005, 09:34 AM
Why?Oops...shouldn't have said that.
SS2006
12-20-2005, 09:38 AM
Why?
Since you haven't heard that before...it might give you some new idea. :p
Just joking :) ...i know VC not like that.
Voon Chan
12-20-2005, 09:39 AM
Thank you for your kind understandingSince you haven't heard that before...it might give you some new idea. :p
Just joking :) ...i know VC not like that.
WE dun use it, that's why never learn. How many people knows the operating procedure of a divorce?
i don't know how it works in malaysia, but in australia you need to live apart for 12 month. then you can fill a divorce application which is about 30 pages and whoever files has to pay about $600. divorce here is no fault, so you don't have to have a reason i think.
after the divorce you have 12 months to sort out the finances.
The stigma is still quite strong but people are slowly accepting it here.
Euj, you have mentioned that a child from a broken family is happy. I think that it does not apply generally. A lot studies show that divorce will have a major impact on a person life
i didn't mean that all children from divorced families would be happy. i was using that as an example that children from divorced families could be happy too. my point was that there are many variables in a marriage.
Not up to us to pass judgement. I have someone close to me from my husband side of family going thru this. Her family wants her to divorce, she's suffering from emotional abuse from her husband. She's suffering even though on the surface she looks happy go lucky. The least i could do is to stay neutral and supportive. What she needs is just a sympathetic ear to listen to her when she's all pent up, and not for someone to pass judgement or to give well-meaning advice. We will never understand what goes behind their closed door.
There are children involved.
i agree with you shirlene. it's really a case by case basis and not for us to judge. for my friends who go through a hard time in their relationship, i will give them my opinion if they ask for it, but if not, i'm just there to be there for them...
Voon Chan
12-20-2005, 10:04 AM
in M'sia is 24 months living as a seperate household. i don't know how it works in malaysia, but in australia you need to live apart for 12 month. then you can fill a divorce application which is about 30 pages and whoever files has to pay about $600. divorce here is no fault, so you don't have to have a reason i think.
after the divorce you have 12 months to sort out the finances.
alfred98
12-20-2005, 10:06 AM
:mad:
alfred98
12-20-2005, 10:11 AM
:(
Voon Chan
12-20-2005, 10:12 AM
YES! that is not as easy as you think. A lot of other rules apply to it laterThe muslim I thought TALAK 3 kali U are divorced :)
SS2006
12-20-2005, 10:17 AM
Wah very good Shirlene U are seeing lights at the end of the tunnel. That facts of life mah. Man do see the divorcee as easy target because we think they are desperado mah... And women pulak see divorced women approaching their husband sure think of hanky panky one...facts facts. :p
Fren, now we see eye to eye liao...no more back-stabbing horr...
going through a divorce is a very difficult thing, but when people look down on you or disapprove, especially family and friends, it makes it even harder...
Voon Chan
12-20-2005, 10:32 AM
yes! not easy at all. going through a divorce is a very difficult thing, but when people look down on you or disapprove, especially family and friends, it makes it even harder...
having been a christian for 15 years, i find it peculiar that it's often the Bible and God who seem more forgiving to divorcees than their own family, friends and church members. very ironic...
suliet
12-20-2005, 10:43 AM
in M'sia is 24 months living as a seperate household.
Immediate effect will take place after the court hearing if both parties agreed and have signed the papers. If married less than 6 months, just some simple procedure and done with immediate effect.
Voon Chan
12-20-2005, 10:46 AM
Under the Matrimonial Act, there is no way you can get a divorce if the marriage is less than 24 months.
UNLESS it is an Annulment which is very difficult to get an order
Immediate effect will take place after the court hearing if both parties agreed and have signed the papers. If married less than 6 months, just some simple procedure and done with immediate effect.
suliet
12-20-2005, 10:49 AM
Under the Matrimonial Act, there is no way you can get a divorce if the marriage is less than 24 months.
UNLESS it is an Annulment which is very difficult to get an order
My ex brother in law got his..... I'm not really sure what it was but I know they are now officially divorced cos i still keep in touch with his ex wife mah.
Voon Chan
12-20-2005, 10:50 AM
That is annulment. It is not the same as divorceMy ex brother in law got his..... I'm not really sure what it was but I know they are now officially divorced cos i still keep in touch with his ex wife mah.
suliet
12-20-2005, 11:06 AM
That is annulment. It is not the same as divorce
So, do they get any official papers to proof their status?
Voon Chan
12-20-2005, 11:10 AM
Their status now is, the Marriage was not recognise by law therefore not married. So, do they get any official papers to proof their status?
James Nga
12-20-2005, 02:03 PM
having been a christian for 15 years, i find it peculiar that it's often the Bible and God who seem more forgiving to divorcees than their own family, friends and church members. very ironic...
Yes! because God is full of Grace and Merciful. Unlike humans (me included).
alfred98
12-20-2005, 02:14 PM
:mad:
The muslim I thought TALAK 3 kali U are divorced :)
that's one way (plus malaysian law has added some other conditions to the pure islamic law), also a wife has the right to divorce a husband who has not provided for her for 3 months (monetary as well as emotionally), etc.
but i agree with shirlene and euj and lilian - it's never straightforward and never an easy answer, especially if children are involved. but staying together even though the marriage is completely dead is never a good idea - children can tell if their parents hate each other and have no love for each other. if no hope of love and reconciliation, i say don't drag it out, if you've tried every avenue and nothing works, free each other to find happiness elsewhere.
SS2006
12-20-2005, 04:15 PM
Yah some thing like that in medical term annulation mean the couple marriage is not consumated. This mean marriage without sex. This is very difficult to prove if the wife is not a virgin. I virgin very simple lor any O&G can exam and prove the hymen is still intact then can call for anulation in pretext of this reason lor.
So any couple with is marriage and the marriage is not consumated then the husband or wife can asked for divorced after certain time which I don't know. :)
Alfred, I'm shocked to hear this from an O&G! Don't you know hymen not intact doesn't necessary mean not virgin. Hymen can be broken by many other means eg climbing trees, cycling, exercising...If that is the criteria for proof of virginity, then you are doing injustice to many ladies. As far as i know, there is no known scientific way to proof whether a woman is a virgin or not....the same goes for man. Only a person ownself knows for sure she/ he is a virgin or not!
alfred98
12-20-2005, 04:25 PM
:mad:
SS2006
12-20-2005, 04:32 PM
That's a myth lah. Better suggest to the myth buster for a investigation into this claim lah. The hymen so called can be broken by climbing leh most common one horse riding loh, pitty pitty how leh so fragile one ah shake shake abit broken already. I don't know if the lady claimed she a virgin. Then better make sure the hymen is intact. Or else the robot doctor will report hymen not intact got old hymen tear lor. So for law that is not virgin end of story.
Also the intact of hymen doesn't mean U are virgin. Because there is case which a pros have hymen intact lor. Same goes for rape ok.. wanna hear this??
I've heard of quack dr who can put artificial hymen. That one temporary only, only to show during wedding night. True or myth?
alfred98
12-20-2005, 04:46 PM
:mad:
LiLiaN
12-20-2005, 07:33 PM
alfred, please take this thread more seriously (in line with the intention of starting this thread in the first place)...
alfred98
12-20-2005, 07:50 PM
:mad:
TingMS
12-20-2005, 07:53 PM
alfred, please take this thread more seriously (in line with the intention of starting this thread in the first place)...
woohoo....
a YELLOW card...
alfred98
12-20-2005, 08:10 PM
:mad:
Voon Chan
12-21-2005, 08:24 AM
Is virginity a real issue? I mean a reason for divorce?
Example, A couple love each other so much. One day, he discover that the lover is not a virgin.
i don't see why virginity is such a big issue. the bigger issue might be trust i guess...
Voon Chan
12-21-2005, 09:01 AM
There a a section of people who view it as an issue.
Some men want their wife to virgin but they are not one.
i don't see why virginity is such a big issue. the bigger issue might be trust i guess...
There a a section of people who view it as an issue.
Some men want their wife to virgin but they are not one.
why is virginity an issue for some men? i guess that's fair enough if the man is a virgin too...
at around my age, i wouldn't expect males or females to be virgins...in fact, if my partner is a virgin at my age, i'd be a bit concerned... :)
SS2006
12-21-2005, 09:22 AM
There a a section of people who view it as an issue.
Some men want their wife to virgin but they are not one.
If it's true unconditional love, even if the other party is a widow/ widower with children also would not matter. They will take it as a part and parcel of the deal.
i would have to admit though, it would be hard to go out with someone who had kids from a previous relationship. that would probably be less of an issue once i'm older...
alfred98
12-21-2005, 09:39 AM
:mad:
alfred98
12-21-2005, 09:44 AM
:mad:
SS2006
12-21-2005, 09:51 AM
Eh this is not forum on virgin ok. If u want create new forum.ok.
Behaving like a administrator already...
You are learning very fast, smart doctor...really smart :)
(see.. no ass :p )
Voon Chan
12-21-2005, 09:52 AM
It was over coffee, I was talking to some people & the issue was raisewhy is virginity an issue for some men? i guess that's fair enough if the man is a virgin too...
at around my age, i wouldn't expect males or females to be virgins...in fact, if my partner is a virgin at my age, i'd be a bit concerned... :)
how are people who are divorced viewed in malaysia?
athena
12-21-2005, 10:27 AM
my personal take is....in chinese society, many still think of it as a taboo!!
my personal take is....in chinese society, many still think of it as a taboo!!
how come?
athena
12-21-2005, 10:48 AM
it's a shameful thing when a lady gets divorced.she is viewed in a very bad light. this is what i gather from listening to 'old' ppl talk.
siewjang
12-21-2005, 10:58 AM
Chinese Taboo - Women always get the blame when they are divorce just because they have this perception that man are always the boss in the house and women have to obey NO MATTER WHAT.
it's a shameful thing when a lady gets divorced.she is viewed in a very bad light. this is what i gather from listening to 'old' ppl talk.
why is it shameful?
siewjang
12-21-2005, 11:04 AM
why is it shameful?
Euj, chinese ppl are like that wan la. Even my mom can't accept the facts about divorce. She even warned us not to do that. It's all about pride.
i personally don't give much of a sh*t about what other people think if i myself am not happy. you gotta look after yourself first...
not that i go out of my way to upset others, but you gotta do what's right for yourself.
athena
12-21-2005, 11:09 AM
i personally don't give much of a sh*t about what other people think if i myself am not happy. you gotta look after yourself first...
not that i go out of my way to upset others, but you gotta do what's right for yourself.
that's the correct attitude...but not the most popular one :)
Odysseus
12-21-2005, 11:12 AM
But, you are Chinese. So how?
But, you are Chinese. So how?
yup, i'm chinese, but what do you mean?
SS2006
12-21-2005, 11:38 AM
Euj, chinese ppl are like that wan la. Even my mom can't accept the facts about divorce. She even warned us not to do that. It's all about pride.
That's the right word...pride :squeeze:
Pride causes prejudice! Why can't Chinese people forget about pride for once and just do what is right or what they think is right?
That's the right word...pride :squeeze:
Pride causes prejudice! Why can't Chinese people forget about pride for once and just do what is right or what they think is right?
i think it's a condition common to most people - whether chinese or not
noname
12-21-2005, 12:07 PM
Recently, I met a lot of young couple getting divorce after 2-3 years. In the olden days, we hardly heard of a people going for divorce proceeding.
I think that young people don't really learn to appreciate the true value of matrimonial vows. Everyone is trying to find the easy way out by getting divorce. So sad to see that young children or even babies are without one of their parent.
A lot of young couple don't want to tolerate their spouse. In their mind, the will say "Why should I?".
What is going to happened to our society?
can i say that now the younger generation is ... faster dating = faster married = faster quarrel = end up in faster divorce?
now the young generation take thing for granted. they thought of living together under one roof is so easy, which apparently not in the beginning. same goes to many thing.
now they dun like to tackle the problem. they like to put the problem at the back... other word, ignore. :p
i'm not so sure if i agree that people nowadays are getting married earlier. i actually think they are getting married later and later. a lot of my friends are only just now getting married at around 30.
i do agree though that our society seems more used to taking the easy way nowadays in many aspects of our lives...
noname
12-21-2005, 01:05 PM
i'm not so sure if i agree that people nowadays are getting married earlier. i actually think they are getting married later and later. a lot of my friends are only just now getting married at around 30.
i do agree though that our society seems more used to taking the easy way nowadays in many aspects of our lives...
yes. agreed with you. society nowadays taking it more lightly compare to last time.
alfred98
12-21-2005, 01:31 PM
:mad:
TK Ho
12-21-2005, 08:01 PM
Wah divorce like changing cloth only. Divorce! divorce lah why think of other fellow think. Marriage counselling go and see first before thinking on divorce. ;)
All these are bad influence of Western culture-lah. Today, UK have just legalise marriage between gay couples. I think our gomen will soon follow, just to keep up with the motto Malaysia Boleh. :laugh:
Voon Chan
12-22-2005, 10:21 AM
Normally, people should evaluate themselves always to see if their action is right or wrong. Couple should open to each other ideas to improve & build the family. Wah divorce like changing cloth only. Divorce! divorce lah why think of other fellow think. Marriage counselling go and see first before thinking on divorce. ;)
All these are bad influence of Western culture-lah. Today, UK have just legalise marriage between gay couples. I think our gomen will soon follow, just to keep up with the motto Malaysia Boleh. :laugh:
i agree with you that western culture does have bad elements, but to put it into context, both western and eastern cultures have bad elements and good ones too.
Voon Chan
12-22-2005, 10:35 AM
There is no perfect culture in the world. We must try to learn the best of both world & improve i agree with you that western culture does have bad elements, but to put it into context, both western and eastern cultures have bad elements and good ones too.
There is no perfect culture in the world. We must try to learn the best of both world & improve
agreed. let's take the good and leave the bad from other cultures.
alfred98
12-22-2005, 11:01 AM
:mad:
vBulletin® v3.8.5, Copyright ©2000-2012, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.