Why people refuse to communicate with their spouse & tell a third party everything?

[Voon Chan]

Someone very close to me keep talking to me about her marriage problem.
She is age 35. This is her second marriage
1st marriage no child.
2nd marriage, baby is less than 2 months.
She said she has got a big communication problem with the husband.
She is not expressing her view & need to the husband because she assumed that the husband is not listening
Husband not expressing his need to her also
Tension grew & they are communicating less & less
Both are equally stubborn

They are in a position that they cannot talk to each other.
She doesn't really know what she want

I told her so many thing,
and she said "I need a divorce"
I give up!:mad:

My question, why people refused to communicate with their spouse & tell a third party everything?
Communication is the key to a good marriage

[daBoss]

how to communicate when already pissed off with each other? however, since still need to talk to someone, talk to friend lah...

[Voon Chan]

how to communicate when already pissed off with each other? however, since still need to talk to someone, talk to friend lah...if a husband & wife are angry with each other. They should try to resolve it. Not stand still & not doing anything
3rd party will not understand your situation & may even make it worse

[LiLiaN]

talking in anger with the direct parties involved can be likened to treading on volatile grounds... very tricky, and most likely would make things worse...

[Voon Chan]

talking in anger with the direct parties involved can be likened to treading on volatile grounds... very tricky, and most likely would make things worse...after the angry episode
one should try to come to their senses
there is a 2 months old baby there

[daBoss]

if a husband & wife are angry with each other. They should try to resolve it. Not stand still & not doing anything
3rd party will not understand your situation & may even make it worse
3rd party not supposed to understand or do anything... 3rd party only supposed to listen and be sympathetic...

[Voon Chan]

3rd party not supposed to understand or do anything... 3rd party only supposed to listen and be sympathetic...it may not be good as the person may think "hell, I do no wrong"

[LiLiaN]

after the angry episode
one should try to come to their senses
there is a 2 months old baby therei agree with this totally... but need the time to chill first...

and i also think third party is there to listen and be sympathetic...
but doesn't mean encouraging them that he/she is right etc...
it's not for the third party to approve or disapprove i guess...

[Voon Chan]

Very difficult situation for her.
She is very negative & difficult to talk to at this moment

[LiLiaN]

then there's not much you can do...
unless she's willing to listen to some reasoning...
then she's not yet chilled from the anger...

[Voon Chan]

then there's not much you can do...
unless she's willing to listen to some reasoning...
then she's not yet chilled from the anger...this is the 3rd week now!
I am more concern for the baby,
People with their pride & ego:mad:

[LiLiaN]

unfortunately there's no rushing with stuffs like this, as anger can be so destructive...

[Voon Chan]

Destructive, yes!
She is like a sister to me.
She is not listening to me now in respect of this
I told her to cool down & rationalise the whole event
Husband is not having an affair

[Tina Lim]

Is she under after-birth-depression?

[Voon Chan]

Is she under after-birth-depression?No, I don't think so

[LiLiaN]

good point there raised by tina... could be likely, just not seemingly as such...
afterall, post natal blues is related in part to hormonal imbalance...

[Voon Chan]

good point there raised by tina... could be likely, just not seemingly as such...
afterall, post natal blues is related in part to hormonal imbalance...Looking at both parties, I am sure the husband will not have post natal blues.
I really have no clue as to what are they up to

[LiLiaN]

Looking at both parties, I am sure the husband will not have post natal blues.
I really have no clue as to what are they up tosounds like a case where the wife possibly has post natal blues...
and the husband unable to cope with the emotional demand...
decide to stay out of the way, but ended up causing suspicion on wife's part...

[Voon Chan]

sounds like a case where the wife possibly has post natal blues...
and the husband unable to cope with the emotional demand...
decide to stay out of the way, but ended up causing suspicion on wife's part...I am at the point of telling the 2 adults to seek professional help

[LiLiaN]

isn't it sad, to be living in a society where shrinks are becoming indispensable..?

[Voon Chan]

isn't it sad, to be living in a society where shrinks are becoming indispensable..?very sad indeed my dear Lilian

[LiLiaN]

i think in NYC, even dogs have their own shrinks...! :eek:

it's the society changing at a pace that is beyond what's "normal"...
and the defination of boundaries between roles of men and women are changing...
so much so, things are confusing and the differences are getting harder to reconcile...

[Voon Chan]

i think in NYC, even dogs have their own shrinks...! :eek:

it's the society changing at a pace that is beyond what's "normal"...
and the defination of boundaries between roles of men and women are changing...
so much so, things are confusing and the differences are getting harder to reconcile...very true
but a lot of people are not ready for the change
& they are neither here nor there
they have no choice

[LiLiaN]

it's going to take a long while to get the balance back in place...
for the time being, just have to make do i guess...

[Voon Chan]

it's going to take a long while to get the balance back in place...
for the time being, just have to make do i guess...thank you LiLian for your great in put.
Well, I will need to talk to both of them again

[LiLiaN]

good luck... and don't lose your cool too, right...
(i know you're a tactful guy, so no worry there)... :)

[Voon Chan]

good luck... and don't lose your cool too, right...
(i know you're a tactful guy, so no worry there)... :)i almost lose my cool the last time
hope that i will be better this time

[LiLiaN]

okie dok, better run and get my work finish up....
have to do more shopping later too... vc, talk to you soon...

[Voon Chan]

okie dok, better run and get my work finish up....
have to do more shopping later too... vc, talk to you soon...have fun Lilian

[athena]

Someone very close to me keep talking to me about her marriage problem.
She is age 35. This is her second marriage
1st marriage no child.
2nd marriage, baby is less than 2 months.
She said she has got a big communication problem with the husband.
She is not expressing her view & need to the husband because she assumed that the husband is not listening
Husband not expressing his need to her also
Tension grew & they are communicating less & less
Both are equally stubborn

They are in a position that they cannot talk to each other.
She doesn't really know what she want

I told her so many thing,
and she said "I need a divorce"
I give up!:mad:

My question, why people refused to communicate with their spouse & tell a third party everything?
Communication is the key to a good marriage
haha..din have time to reply to this thread earlier...

i agree with the statement communication is the key, your spouse should be the person you can communicate very well with. Unfortunately, practically this won't happen.

[Voon Chan]

i agree with the statement communication is the key, your spouse should be the person you can communicate very well with. Unfortunately, practically this won't happen.why is that so?
BTW, I can tell my wife everything,
I think she does the same

[athena]

why is that so?
BTW, I can tell my wife everything,
I think she does the same
the truth can hurt real bad sometimes. so perhaps the partner is jsut thinkinng of 'sparing his spouse the hurt'?

[Voon Chan]

the truth can hurt real bad sometimes. so perhaps the partner is jsut thinkinng of 'sparing his spouse the hurt'?it is better to know it earlier than to be the last to know

[athena]

haha....take me for e.g...i love shopping for shoes..hehe...so if i let my hubby knows that i bought yet another pair,my hubby marah...might as well hide it...and then wear to show how good it looks on me? :D

haha..bad e.g la

[Voon Chan]

haha....take me for e.g...i love shopping for shoes..hehe...so if i let my hubby knows that i bought yet another pair,my hubby marah...might as well hide it...and then wear to show how good it looks on me? :D

haha..bad e.g lait is okay as long as you wear it

[athena]

it is okay as long as you wear it
haha...but kadang kadang, wear only once :D

[athena]

ok la folks...need to cabut liao....hehe....happy posting!

[Voon Chan]

haha...but kadang kadang, wear only once :Dnow that is wasteful

husband should not be angry.
i would tell me wife "dear, it is too expensive, & i appreciate you could buy a shoe that you will wear"

[Voon Chan]

ok la folks...need to cabut liao....hehe....happy posting!bye-bye Athena!

[Voon Chan]

Any more contribution?